Stagnation

It kinda sucks to realize another year has gone by and you're really not much better off than you were the year before.

Why is it, I can't make what I want from my life work? I'm almost thirty and it feels like I've stalled at 22. Indecisive. Locked into a dream that isn't going to happen, but clinging to the hopes that it will, that maybe just maybe everything that has happened in the past four years has all be a joke and that everything will be okay.

And yet...were they four wasted years? Maybe. Or maybe that love and life I dreamed of really will come to pass and I won't wake up tommorow alone, in a place I don't want to be and in a state of existance I don't enjoy.

Blah.

I'm at 12351 words. I wanted to be further but I had to sleep yesterday and run a whole bunch of errands for my mother. I'd hoped to play a little as well with Hipp the day before but once again..sleeping and errands got the better of me. My mother had a nasty asthma attack. I had to play nurse. I get fucking tired of that sometimes, especially when I'm home and just want to turn my brain off. But then I get a tirade of "What do you think this means or why does it do that..."

Go fucking ask your Doctor. I don't know everything.

One of these days I'm going to reply with "Yes I think it's cancerous. You should get it amputated immediately."

Or not. I wouldn't do that really, but I do get tired of it. I'm just generally tired of my entired living arrangements. But hell....better than being homeless.

Like last year at this time.

So I guess I'm a scosh better off than the year previously.....